"Bett and Bals": But It's A Dry Deadline

The clock is ticking. Not just on the countdown of the new Blackberry 10, but the fact that Greg Jamison is waiting to the 11th hour in order to decide if he's going to deal with the lease agreements that the City of Glendale has set out or if he'll let it pass and hope it regroups. As it is, Gary Bettman is still rattled from the lockout and now has to put up with this. His court-ordered roommate Jim Balsillie is just mocking him without doing much of anything.

The scene is Jim Balsillie is sitting at the kitchen island, intently staring at Gary Bettman on the couch. Bettman looks around the couch to see what's behind him that Balsillie could be looking at, then starts to be come unnerved. 

Gary Bettman: What....what are you looking at??

(Jim still staring down Gary)

GB: You know you're making me feel unsettled.

(Jim starts nodding his head slightly)

GB: Fine, I'll.....I'll just turn over here....

(Jim clears his throat, still focused on Gary)

GB: OKAY, OKAY!! I SHOULD HAVE SOLD YOU THE TEAM, YOU KNOW THAT?!?

Jim Ballsillie (removes earbuds): What's that??

GB: YOU-- YOU SHOULD BE IN PHOENIX, THIS IS A DISASTER!! FIRST THE LOCKOUT, NOW THIS!!

JB: Oh, that?? I'm over that.

GB:....wait, what?? Over it??

JB: Yeah, the Blackberry 10 is coming out and people are ready to take over the next floundering team. Phoenix is passée  my man; people have their sights set on Sunrise.

GB: But the Panthers aren't going anywhere....are they??

JB: That's neither here nor there-- but I like how my old company is doing something you haven't been able to do in the same time frame-- reinvent itself. Will they actually make an impact and will people actually come back to Blackberry?? Who's to say, but at least it's not the same old song and dance that the Coyotes have been giving us for years on end.

GB: How can it change though?? We've had this whole thing set up for months-- Greg Jamison said we'd get this whole thing done. He had investors, but they lived somewhere else and I didn't know them. That's trustworthy enough, right?? Is it wrong to believe him??

JB: Maybe this isn't your fault-- maybe this is the City of Glendale going a little too sports crazy for a team that may not want to be there. Let's get to the brass tacks and say that Glendale thinks it's better than it actually is. This isn't a place where you'll get a lot of people to go just for the sake of seeing the place-- it's a pass-through town otherwise and they're trying to grab onto anything they can to get an identity.

GB: How can we get out of it?? It's just insane how this city is holding everyone by the short-hairs. It's like that awful girlfriend who won't go away and just threatens everything in order to keep you there in a loveless relationship. And you die a little each time when you give them a chance....her friends don't like you, but you provide something, so they tolerate you. But you're dying inside....you're dying and losing every time you look at her....

JB: Jesus.....you alright??

GB: First, it was Fehr and now it's the fear of actually having to do something again. But at least Quebec City is looking nice. They're building an arena already, even without a team-- and outside of the rainy Seattle climate, it provides a great backdrop. Winter Classics, a lot of French love, it's good times there.

JB: Remember a place called Kansas City?? Remember when they built an arena with no team at all?? I remember because that was a battle ground for me. If you want to do that whole expansion thing, you'd be better off in Quebec City and get more money; but what happens first-- the silliness of Glendale gets solved or a team in Quebec City?? Seattle is doing it right-- they're making sure they have a basketball team, something they actually want, before building up a new building.

GB: Right now, Kansas City could actually draw more and more than what we're doing in Glendale. At this point, I'm of the ideal that we can grease some palms and get out of this-- they have a new city council who probably doesn't want to take money from city services in order to keep a team that bilks money over and over. As much as I like the money of expansion and waiting until an arena is done-- I also like not having to deal with these people in Glendale.

JB: Is this the "hill you die on" like all the other CBA hills you've frolicked in?? Are you waiting for this team to just kill itself so you don't have to make a decision and get more hate mail?? Because as much as people would love contraction-- it's not something that's going to appear, it's got to be an executive order.

GB: Haters are going to hate-- so I couldn't get a damn about that. I'm just exhausted from getting a season done and now having to get a deal done because people can't get their money in order, AND I STILL GET THE BLAME?? It's a broken record and people are stupid because if I keep the team there, I'm screwing the league and if I don't move the team, I'm screwing the league.

JB: Can't win for losing, big guy. (Doorbell rings) Oh, that's my BB10 prototype-- you want to answer that.

GB: Oh, so this is where the T-Bomb happens?? You're going the predictable route??

JB: Just get it, stupid-- he's nowhere to be found.

GB: Okay (opens door) T-BOMB!!! BEAT YOU TO....oh...

Delivery Guy: AH!!! DON'T HIT ME AGAIN!!! (drops package)

JB: Good job, now I have go get it fixed. What is your problem, you think everyone is after you.

GB: Sorry, sorry....I'll go get it fixed.

JB: You better. (Gary picks up package and walks to the car) Wait for it. (Gary opens the car door and sits down) Almost there. (Gary puts key in the ignition, starts it up).

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Jumps from the back seat) T-BOMB!!!!!

GB: GOOD SWEET LORD!!! (Hits the steering wheel with force, car horn goes off, airbag inflates)

JB: Long way for a tired sight-gag on a blog.

"Bett and Bals": Move Hitting the Eye Like a Big Pizza Guy

In the wake of Boston Pizza CEO Jim Treliving's possible tongue-in-cheek implication (skip to the nine minute mark) he could be kicking the tires for the Phoenix Coyotes (which his son is the assistant GM for), it's time to get the take on the two bobbleheads of this blog. Especially considering that the City of Glendale is able to be on "Ghost Town" watch, it could take a Canadian pizza guy to save the day.

(Gary Bettman sits on the couch as the Jim Balsillie comes in from the kitchen)

Gary Bettman: I mean, look-- they got these new all-meat wings with 18 flavors.

Jim Balsillie: Aren't all wing meat?? And who needs that much flavor??

GB: The point is this, they won't make any bones about their wings or their possible bid.

JB: That's a terrible pun, but they really haven't made a bid. Treliving is a guy who was put on the spot by a guy who turned VJ to intellectual CBC host. Honestly, how can you trust a guy saying something on a late-night, public broadcasting show that own a company that has a city that's never once been connected to pizza.

GB: But it's hope, Jim-boy. We haven't has much of that since the last guy ditched us for St. Louis....to which he couldn't follow through on that either.

JB: I mean clam chowder, sure-- but pizza?? They had a Boston cheesesteak at one point, that totally doesn't make sense.

GB: Even if it's from a guy who may or may not be serious because his kid's job is involved-- it's something we haven't had public for a while. Granted, we could have some nepotism going on-- but that worked out in Colorado, right??

JB: Hell, I could even see if lobster or seafood in general; but pizza??

GB: FOCUS, 'Sillie. We have a chance to turn this thing around. They've got two franchises down there already, we've got a Canadian tie-in without actually moving the team to Canada and have me looking miserable as I hand over the keys.

JB: While that may be, who's to say that they can come up with all these gimmicks to keep generating money to keep the team in town?? If you relocate the team, you cut ties to the anchor that has drained the city of money and screws over that whole revenue sharing thing you have in place for some teams. Heck, the other team in town is thinking of suing the city-- it's a mess and do you really want to clean it up??

GB: If I sell the team in time and hurry up the transition, it's not my problem anymore. Let the crazy pizza guy do it for himself. Maybe have 17 stores around the arena or something, I don't know. I'd rather not move this team, but if I can't get my money one way or another-- we've got to ship them somewhere.

JB: Yet, this has been a five-year plan in to almost a decade. Or at least it feels that way. It's past the point of mockery, it's past the point of hilarity, it's to the point of sadness and wanting it to end-- like SNL at times.

GB: They got Russ Tyler on there now-- he's good.

JB: Fair enough. The crazy part of this is it seems you're trying to make a point and it's not working. Atlanta moved like a thief in the night and still the Coyotes are just there waiting for something. Do you think people care anymore?? Everyone just wants this to be done because we're tired of this, it's run its course and now-- time to crap or get off the pot.

(Bettman's computer goes off, "You've Got  Mail")

JB: (Looking confused) Who uses AOL anymore??

GB: Shut it-- see, this person loves the Coyotes and enjoys the efforts. Huh, there's even an attachment....

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Through the computer) T-BOMB!!!!!!!!

GB: GAH POP-UPS!!!! (Falls over off the couch)

JB: And there you have it.....we still find a way.

"Bett and Bals:" Miracles and Mirages

(Just when we thought that this series could be dead-- something happens to bring this back to a whole new level and why wouldn't this just be left for dead, huh?? That's silliness.)


Jim Balsillie: (Reading the paper on the couch) iPad3, how the hell do they keep doing this with their guy dead?? Of course, this could be a whole new thing when all is said and done....

Gary Bettman: (Busting through the door) SANCTUARY!!!

JB: I don't think that word means what you think it does.

GB: WELL, KISS MY GRITS!!

JB: Okay, that's better-- but what the hell are you so happy about?? This better be cause for this celebration.

GB: Jim....there's a mystery guy for Phoenix!!

JB: This seems like a repeat. Are we in syndication already??

GB: Seriously-- the perfect timing of this news RIGHT before the big meeting with the Board and....whew, see the wheels are in motion with this team. We've got Jerry Reinsdorf, who-- let's be honest-- built that Bulls team to a dynasty; we've got Greg Jamison, who was the guy who helps the Sharks get off the ground, and now...this mystery guy-- who HAS to be the best of the three. Man....this is fantastic.

JB: How many of these mystery men have come to fruition, though?? Let's be honest-- the only mystery is when this bid will be considered a failure yet again, then have Reinsdorf get told by you he's still in.

GB: This is own free will to be in, especially since the White Sox are about to actually get less and less relevant....if I have my way.

JB: But, honestly-- what's going on with this mystery crap?? Is there a reason you don't want this mystery to be really revealed??

GB: Why are you harshing my buzz?? The point is this-- we have a third guy out there and it's now a sweepstakes. The power of three is a lot better than the two guys debating over the team.

JB: Debating?? What debating?? Is there a sale to be had that you held out on??

GB: Well, we have to wait for the City of Glendale for their stuff....

JB: Standing behind them now, too?? Do they not want to be revealed?? IS there actually a third buyer??

GB: Oh, there's a third buyer. The city wants to know who they're getting into business and how they can restructure one way or the other. They definitely want to have a good relationship where they can rearrange and work to the benefit of everyone out there. Win-win.

JB: And what about moving?? Let's be honest-- even with the team being bought, what's going to be done with these rumors of a buy-and-move?? I keep hearing Seattle, Kansas City, Quebec....

GB: All great areas-- you see how much snow Seattle has gotten?? They'd be PERFECT for the 2014 Winter Classic with all that snow, are you kidding me?? But the movement is secondary to get the team out of there. Once they're out of my hair and under ownership in Phoenix for a year-- I'll be whatever to moving. It's less stress on me once I get rid of this team and someone else can worry about them.

JB: So moving is still an option??

GB: Of course. Especially if the city can't come up with a good plan, I'll pay the $25 million payments BACK to the city in order to get the team out of there if they aren't thriving. At this point, I just want someone to buy the team from me.

JB: Interesting......because now I may have to reveal myself.

GB: Wait...what?? Didn't you just get fired??

JB: Fired nothing, I stepped down.

GB: If this turns out to be you.....(footsteps running up and down the hallway)...the hell....look, if it turns out to be you....(crashing into walls)...Okay, that's enough for our property value (Opens the door) Alright you rapscallions, this is....

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Running By) T- BOMBED!!!!

GB: OH GOOD LORD (Falling backwards)

JB: Drive-by gimmicks now. Enjoyable, as always.

"Bett and Bals:" Means and Ends

All good things may come to an end, which may be the case now-- but even with a possible ending; it may spark a new beginning....or not be an end at all. The fact that Jim Balsillie is now out a Research in Motion; it could make it harder for him to buy a team in the NHL...but it doesn't make it easier for Gary Bettman-- but they still to live together in the condo of perpetual bickering; as you're about to see now. 


(Laying on the couch lamenting about what has happened, Jim Balsillie waits for the inevitable mocking by Gary Bettman).

Jim Balsillie: And I don't know why I thought naming something "Playbook" was a good idea. This isn't football, this isn't Playboy-- what was I thinking?? Sure, tablets are the way of the future, but this is almost as bad as the tablet Moses dropped at Mount Sinai.

Gary Bettman: Is that really true??

JB: The point is that....this could be it for us, this could be the end. I know you're happy with it.

GB: Happy?? What you're out of money?? Look, Jim, we here at the NHL hold the position that even broke or crooked, you too can have a NHL franchise at your disposal. You could even hold them.

JB: (Lifting his head in shock) Are you okay?? Do you understand what you're saying, more over-- do you understand what I'm saying??

GB: Sure, you've done stuff like move teams you didn't actually own and curse on live TV when possibly drunk...but at least you're real. I'm not sure this Matthew Hulsizer is real because he's screwed me twice.

JB: It does sound like a made up name.

GB: Sure, I can understand not being able to want to keep the Coyotes or be associated with them-- but the Blues?? Come on, that's the Wal-Mart guy's old team, so you know you're getting a nice rollback in prices.

JB: Good one, but the point is this: How are other teams getting sold and moved so quickly and yet the Coyotes are still in the limbo for the past 10 years of their existence. Why do you hold onto them so much??

GB: Look, I may have sunk some money into this project and I may have bet someone in 1996 I could make this work. The limit is 20 years and you know....almost there. Almost ready to collect on that bet and I can't let myself fail in this.

JB: All this for a bet?? It better be worth it.

GB: I think it's $20 and a dinner.

JB: Twenty dollars?? Losing millions and millions for $20 doesn't seem very fiscal....

GB: But we moved the Thrashers to Winnipeg, so that buys me at least another year for that honeymoon to stay. Plus, those bastards have screwed me. Luckily, someone wanted Dallas and now-- now it's a matter of getting St. Louis and Phoenix onward and upward for another turn.

JB: It's scary that you won't let me in, but keep allowing this Hulsizer to be in the fold. We've got the same money, he's got much less moxie, what the hell is the matter with me??

GB: The puns.

JB: The puns??

GB: Think of what the NHL.com writers will say on the headlines when it got done. I mean, it'd go something like "Hulsizer Me!!: Phoenix Sold." Where as you-- we'll get "Balsille Goose: NHL Finally Gives In" or "RIM-Job: NHL Bends Over." See the spot I'm in??

JB: So, rather than actually sell a team to a guy who has a decent track record, funding, and a known presence in the business world and will actually put himself out there-- you'd rather have the unknown guy who can't follow-through on anything he promises and misses deadlines....all because the headline-puns would be better??

GB: Now you get it!!

(Doorbell rings, knock on the door)

GB: Oh hell no.

JB: No, you have to do it.

GB: No, I won't-- we all know what happens, we all know how this turns out, this is pee-wee bullsh-

JB: SHUT it and open the door-- it's what everyone want to see and you know it.

GB: (Thinking.....)Okay...I'll open it, but I'll get the upper hand. (Opens door) G-BOMBED!!!! SEE I GOT YOU THIS TIME!!!

Delivery Guy: ....the hell is wrong with you?? Package for G. Bettman for a M. Hulsizer. Sign here.

GB: Sorry, I just....every time there's a door....a guy happens to be there....and....

DG: Look, I don't care for your whole issue, but better get your slacker buddy on the couch to help you because I ain't leaving the dolly here with you crazy people.

JB: Is that an iPhone?? Why not a Blackberry Curve??

DG: What is this, 2002?? Get with the times, boss.

JB: (Underbreath) jackass.

GB: Come on Jim, help me with this damn thing.

DG: Whatever it is-- it's heavy and solid....unless the premise for this show.

GB: What show??

(Delivery guy rolls his eyes and walks away)

JB: Is this the gold statue of yourself you order for the New York offices??

GB: No, it was back-ordered until June.

JB: Whatever-- I need something for my back, that was a haul.

GB: Fine, I'll open it (Takes out ceremonial scissors to cut the ends and middle)

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Busting out of the box) T-BOMBED!!!! (Falls out of the box to tackle Gary)

GB: GAHHHHH!!!

JB: (Walking down the hall) That's what daddy likes.

GB: (From the ground) MY HIP FLEXOR!!!

JB: (From the hallway) What are things Rick DiPietro has said??

Is That Jim Balsillie's Music?!?

While the Winnipeg situation has been going on, we have had people question about what happened to Jim Balsillie in all of this. Well, welcome back Jimbo, as Gary Bettman has publicly said that he Balsillie could get sold a team.....if he doesn't mess things up. Oddly enough, this coincides with the fact many Blackberry advertisements showing up during the NHL Playoffs and during the Stanley Cup Finals; both on TV and online with the NHL.

Now, Balsillie has already effed up his chances three times-- Pittsburgh, Nashville, and Phoenix have all been within Balsillie's grasp; but due to his overzealous nature-- he has lost out on those teams. We all know that Balsillie is a guy who wants to have a team and probably wants them in Canada, as he lives there. The biggest question is whether or not he can actually get a team into a place he wants it to be.

Hamilton has been the destination for him for every team he's had an eye on. The biggest hurdle there is the Toronto Maple Leafs not wanting someone to infringe on their turf. So, if Hamilton isn't in the cards, is that going to be a problem with Balsillie?? While he wants to be an owner, he probably wouldn't want to be an owner if he can't get his team into his home country. I doubt he'd want to go to Quebec City, if they get their new rink build-- but if it's the only option; what do you do-- head to a place you don't want to put a team in or not have a team at all??

Yet, the biggest hurdle for Balsillie is really himself. While he's had three attempts, many people believe he'd be a good fit as a NHL owner and if he was able to contain his excitement; he'd actually be an owner by now. Odds are that even if he's sold a team, the amount of people on Board of Governors that he has rubbed the wrong way would probably be problematic for his search to be welcomed into the society of the NHL ownership brotherhood. But first, he has to get a team; which may or may not be difficult to do depending on which team comes knocking at death's door next.

The odds are definitely against Balsillie, as you can imagine he's probably the last resort for the NHL when it comes to getting rid of a team; but with the amount of teams seemingly going belly-up, he may have to be put in there quick due to the lack of suitors out there. He should be great for any team, despite the threat of relocating to Canada and will pump money into a team in order to make it a winner. Plus, the fact he's a rebel before owning a team will definitely make things interesting just to see what he'll do next; which could be good for the game in the end of it all.

"Bett and Bals": When a Sale Isn't a Sale

With all the speculation that has come out about what's going to happen with teams like the Maple Leafs, Sabres, and now the impending sale of the Coyotes and recently the Atlanta Thrashers looking for investors-- the Board of Governors' meeting this week is bound with questions when it comes to ownership. Sadly, the man who seems to be left out in the cold is Jim Balsillie, who may or may not be sneaking around these meetings.

We see the outside of the resort that the meetings are being held, Gary Bettman steps out after a session and takes in the humid air.

Gary Bettman: Ahh...another day, another defused situation when it comes to ownership. And what a view, no one around except us board members. (Turns to see a man sneaking around the corner) Is that.....no.....wait-- Jim?!? JIM?!?

Jim Balsillie (disgused as a caddy): I'm sorry, but I don't know you're talking about. I'm Bim Jalsillie.....a local caddy.

GB: .....Jim??

JB: Bim....it's Bim...always has been.

GB: Jim.

JB: FINE-- look, there's teams for sale and I don't know why I'm getting shut out. I'm primed to bring a new vision to any team that needs it.

GB: What's that vision-- beavers and maple syrup??

JB: You kinky bastard!! But yes, we need to get into these place like Winnipeg and Quebec.....or even Hamilton, especially after Rogers buys them. They love my Blackberry and probably wouldn't want to have their costumers disrupted during their everyday life.....

GB: Keep dreaming, Jim. Everything is fine with us-- Phoenix has that Matt Hulsizer, who loves the idea of losing money-- thus, my new best friend. We've got people wanting into Buffalo, and maybe some Atlanta people would get there.

JB: Why am I shut out?? Why are these guys getting the welcome and I'm getting the cold shoulder?? Sure, I started to sell tickets to a team that I didn't own and a building I didn't have rights to; but can't we let bygones be bygones??

GB: I think the example there was the reason we won't let you in. It's an elite group with people like Hulsizer who will play the game. We've got guys like Terry Pegula who will drop all kinds of dough on a Division I hockey team and still have some change to buy the Sabres and actually keep them there. It's not so much that we don't want you in the fraternity, it's that we don't want you to steal from others in the fraternity.

JB: Aren't you all in the business of making money?? I can do that-- and yes, it could require a move, but if I make money, the league makes money, the teams can get some money, the players get money.....everyone wins, I think. Even if I keep the team there, don't you think I'll build up the team up to get people into the building so I don't lose my invested money?? I won't "Major League" it and tank just to move-- I want to win and if people don't come out for a winning team, I'd take them to a place where they will make money and win.

GB: We like money....but we also like people who play the company line. We want to like you Jim, but the rebel thing.....I don't know. It's too new and we're scared. Why do you think we keep harping on the same rivalries like the Caps and Pens, plus keeping the Red Wings winning thanks to the wheel on their jersey spinning and hypnotizing the other team so they can win.

JB: Wait, what??

GB: Huh??

JB: You said.....

GB: Anyway-- look, we want your money, but don't want you to revolutionize the way owners run their teams. We're kind of scared you're going to do something that's going to rock the boat and make your team love you, but the rest of the league hate you. You see-- fans will see what you're doing and want their owner to do the same....and just rock the boat. We like the way we do it now and we don't like change-- it scares us.

JB: So, what you're saying is that while there's plenty of teams for the taking and I have the money to do it....

GB: We don't want you to buy them because you could do something to make people like you and thus ruining the rest of us.

JB: I don't know if that's the best way to run a business.

GB: Well, just look at me.

JB: Fair enough. Well, I was going to meet with Tom Golisano about the Sabres, but I guess I'll just be out of here. You think you could go to my clubs by the corner over there, it was for my get-up. I'll go tell Tommy it's not happening.

GB: I'm glad you could come to your senses, Jim-- and it's not that you're a bad guy, but (struggles to lift the bag) but, you're (still struggling), what the hell is....

Judge Redfield T. Baum: T-BOMBED!!!!

GB: AHHHHHH!!! (drops bag, runs into wall)

JB: I don't know how you fit in there. Get the car, I'm going to talk to Atlanta.

"Bett and Bals": Jerry Canned

Just when you thought things were better for the Coyotes.....ESPN is now reporting that the deal with the City of Glendale and NHL's poster child for ownership, Jerry Reinsdorf, is dead. The city has reached out again to the Ice Edge Holdings group and maybe could get them back on board, even after they outright rejected the IEH proposal.

This episode, we see Jim Balsillie sitting on the couch watching the TV. Gary Bettman comes walking in.

Gary Bettman: (Muttering under his breath) Why are they doing this to me now?? I was going to get over it and be rid of this financial burden....

Jim Balsillie: Anything wrong, Gary?? It seems like (snickering) you've misplaced something.

GB: Oh, guffaw, guffaw-- I get it-- relocation in a non-traditonal market which turns out to be a money-sucking venture.

JB: The joke doesn't work if you have to explain it.

GB: Whatever-- I have my own issues. What does it take to actually get rid of this team?? I thought I had it. He was unsuspecting and willing to take it over for me and get the pressure and heat off of me. It's like he actually did research and realized this deal probably wouldn't do well for him, especially with the lease and having to wait five-years to try to sell the bloody team.

JB: Were you really expecting this whole thing to go down with Reinsdorf?? I mean, from the on-set of this thing, he really hasn't said much about anything in regards to this whole issue. It's like he didn't even know much about-- he just threw his hat into the ring. Or at least, someone did on his behalf. I don't even think he knew there was hockey in Chicago, much less Arizona. I think you could have been the only one to think it would all work out.

GB: He's got the MLB team, the NBA team-- why not go lower in the ranking and hit up a NHL team. It's affordable and it's something that'll help out his taxes and what not. Plus, he didn't have to do much-- just keep the people around that helped them to a playoff berth and move on. Not much to do, just pay some bills.

JB: But Gary, have you seen the bills?? They are piling up at a massive rate and really are never-ending. The Coyotes are like the Greece of the NHL. (Editor's Note: This gag was topical in early May 2010 when the Greek economy went to crap. Look it up if you don't get it.)

GB: Yes, but with a little help, they could have been revived in less time. Sure, the bills are piling up, sure the city is footing the bill for most the stuff, sure the taxes are getting crazed, sure the team can't turn a profit....wait, where was I going with this??

JB: You weren't. The fact is that you can't keep a team in an area where the responsiveness of the "fans" is depended upon the threat of losing the team. It seems that the only time people come out for the team is when they think they're going to lose them. Even when they were winning, it took them a while to get to the rink.

GB: Maybe so, but they made the playoffs, they had a great season, they have a lot of award finalist, they have a great looking future...

JB: That could be blown up this summer. They have seven UFAs and five RFAs who had an everyday role on the team. With the insecure nature of the team-- are you willing to spend the money in order to get the re-signed, especially since you control the team?? Don't you think the other owners would be a bit upset about it if you did?? Plus, with all the other FAs out there, wouldn't you want this team to build off their success and add more to their team??

GB: You mean....I'd have to take care of all of that?? Not that I'm stressed enough or anything, now I have to deal with that. All because this guy couldn't take over the team?? All because the City of Glendale wouldn't go with the best idea in the Ice Edge Holdings in the first place??

JB: And all because you didn't want to tease the idea of selling it to me on threat of me moving the team. Let's face it-- your ego can't take a hit of relocating a previously relocated team. You don't want to be proven wrong for decisions that weren't that keen to begin with. Sure, we all can regret some things, but most of us have the ability to actually move forward after admitted some wrong doing. You take your lumps and bounce back.

GB: That's just it though. I can take the lumps-- look at the work stoppage. The fact is that even if I do sell and move this team, who's to say the place it will moved to will be any more viable than another. The harsh reality of it is that if we have to sell it, that has to be approved by everyone. If they want to move, it again has to be approved. Who's to say that where the new owner would want to move the team would work out monetarily for the league and the other owners?? The thought of moving a team in trouble is great in theory. It's when it's put into actual motion and trying to get everyone on board that is the issue. It's nothing personal-- always business.

(Phone rings)

JB: I'll get it. James and Gar-- your helpful hardware, folks.

GB: Funny.

JB: (To Gary) Would you shut up?? (Phone) Yes?? Oh really?? So, you do want back into the mix Mr. Reinsdorf?? You made a horrible mistake?? Sure, I'll put him on. (To Gary) It's for you-- it looks like you got your wish.

GB: (Jumping up and down) FINALLY!! FINALLY SOMETHING GOOD!! JERRY?? JERRY??

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Over the phone) T-BOMBED!!!!!!!!

GB: OWWWWWW (Grabbing his ear and falling over) My ear, my ear.....I....I think it's bleeding.

JB: Much like the Coyotes bleeding money from Glendale...

"Bett and Bals" : Moyes Money, Moyes Money, Moyes Money

This drama with the Coyotes doesn't seem to be ending. This time, the NHL is suing former owner Jerry Moyes for a breach of contract for the way he went about going into bankruptcy and trying to sell the Coyotes. There's a lot of money involved in the suit against Moyes, including the fees for the NHL's legal team, the operating losses for this year, as well as paying Wayne Gretzky. Considering both Gary Bettman and Jim Balsillie were involved, it seems like perfect timing to bring back this whole gem. Enjoy....or not.

We'll see scene with Balsillie sitting on the couch, feet up on the table as Bettman is frantically running between the kitchen and living room on his cell phone to his legal team.

Gary Bettman: Okay, so we've got the operating losses covered, Gretzky covered...is there anyway we can sue him to pay the Brooklyn Brawler for the Jobing.com naming rights?? Well, I don't know if he was directly involved, but I don't think Barry Horowitz was in mind when they had it all going for them. Just look into it and get back to me-- we're going to get him where he's hurting...literally. Bye.

Jim Balsillie: The funny thing about this is you think that he has the money for this whole fiasco, Gar. There's a reason he was filing for bankruptcy, you know that right??

GB: What are you trying to say?? He broke the contract and went against the way we do business and now we're going to show him the NHL means business.

JB: Do business how?? Find any kind of jobber to run a team and then pass the buck when they fail?? I can't see to see what happens when this jabroni in Tampa realizes he doesn't have much going for him down there and wants to ditch them off again. That's what's going to happen, you and I both know this.

GB: You don't know that, because if knew things like you thought you did-- you'd be owning a team in some suburb of Toronto right now, right?? Listen, when you own a team, you have a certain responsibility to keep your nose clean.

JB: Like Bruce McNall and Boots Del Biaggio did for their teams??

GB: Hey now-- we knew what they were doing and....

JB: And still let Del Biaggio back into the league. It's a craptastic way to do business.

GB: But for every one of those guys, we have 20 or more guys who aren't under indictment. Plus, our owners are honest people when it comes to their dealings-- they'll never curtail the rules when it comes to our league.

JB: Hmmm, like Jeremy Jacobs signing Joe Thornton to a huge rookie deal and Craig Leipold selling his team to who YOU wanted to if he was able to become the owner of the Minnesota Wild??

GB: Exactly. Wait...

JB: The fact remains, this situation wouldn't be an issue if you let him sell the team to me. He would have gotten the money he lost, everyone would have been paid, YOU would have had those legal fees to pay off, and we'd be getting on with like.

GB: Maybe so, but the fact remains that people aren't fans of you and your rebel ways, Jim. Come on, you know you don't have the BoG's ear. Who's to say it'd be over for you, him, or us had we let this go through. I know I'm 90% sure we would be tied up in court together and probably be splitting hotel costs in order to save some cash. It's not like selling the team to you would be a magical fix as you thought it would be.

JB: Sure, the City of Glendale would have been on our asses, but that's why we put in conditions in the sale about if we don't reach expectations, we have the ability to pull the team out of their current home and go somewhere that they are wanted and will bring in profit. I know me getting the team wouldn't be the cure to the headache, but when you work WITH ME rather than against me; we'd be in a better place-- that much I'm sure.

GB: Why work with you when no one wanted you. You're 0-for-3 in teams, two of your own short-sightedness and jumping the gun on many things, while the other we kind of blocked you from. You did have the BoG's ear, then you tried selling season tickets to a non-existed relocated team. Working with you hasn't done the trick, so why should we trust working with you now.

JB: You work with me because if you actually want money to be spend by someone other than the league and not have GMs up in arms about your trade deadline movement, regardless of how small it really was, then you'll look for someone willing to deal with the albatross that is this team. You put conditions in the sale in terms of relocating the team, I would have been able to work within that and then it's up to everyone involved to market this team and make them a success so we wouldn't have to worry about the conditions.

GB: Maybe we'll be do business in the future, but I don't know if we can trust what you say. You can say one thing and do another-- we've known that for a while now. We'll see what happens with Florida, maybe you could do something in Miami or Atlanta or another one of these great Sunbelt teams. I mean, you could make them work there and actually make me look like a genius.

JB: (under breath) I'll get right on that....

GB: Now, I've had too much water and excitement and now I have to piss. (Walks to the bathroom, hears water running) Dammit, Jim-- you can't have the fountain going when you're not in here. What are we, made of money?? I'm suing a bankrupt guy, so that shows you how much I had. Wait-- the showers on...you're here, I'm here....(pulls back shower curtain)...

Judge Redfield T. Baum: T-BOMBED!!!

GB: OHJEEBUS!! (Falls into hallway)

JB: Who didn't see that one coming, really?? You'd think by now, you'd put two and two together.

GB: I come up with Maui for expansion....is that the answer??

JB: Good sweet Lord.....

"Bett and Bals": Tampa Turmoil

Just when you think it's all over, something else pops up. To thank for that, we have CBC's Elliotte Friedman for revealing more issues in Tampa Bay than meets the eye. While the issues with OK Hockey have always been present, the fact the old owner doesn't want them; shows how much of an issue Tampa could become.

We set the scene with Gary frantically on the phone, pacing in front of the TV of the living room, as Jim sits on the couch, bobbing and weaving trying to see the TV.

Gary Bettman: But look, Mrs. Davidson, they won a championship under your husband's reign. Wouldn't you love to have that team back-- to remember the good times of his legacy?? Sure, Oren and Len kind of made a mess of it.....but....no, they aren't going to acquire Nathan Horton and have a "Seen Stamkos/Horton Hears A Who??" slogan-off.

Jim Balsillie: Slogan-off?? I'm starving!! Gary, we have any beef slogan-off in the kitchen??

GB: (covering the phone) That's beef stroganoff and I said no before. (back to the phone) Mrs. Davidson, I'll make sure it's taken care of before the 15th. Trust me, have I ever swayed anyone wrong before??

(Jim stares daggers at Gary and gives him the stink-eye)

GB: (avoiding eye-contact with Jim) I'll be back with you. Good bye. (hangs up, falls back onto the couch) MY GOD!! What was I thinking when I put those two guys in charge. You'd think with all those awful "Saw" movies and "Two and a Half Men" cash coming in, Koules would have the money to cover this team in everything they needed.

JB: Well, you know Gary-- that deadline is close to Valentine's Day and I'd love nothing more than for you to buy me a hockey team. I'd love you forever.

GB: Ick, that's the last thing I want. Don't worry-- we can make this work in Tampa. They have a Stanley Cup, we can't move a Stanley Cup winner. That'd just.....just be immoral and detrimental to the sport. We can't be a laughingstock in this landscape.

JB: Well, can't be the laughingstock when no one is paying attention, that's for sure. But at what point did you think this would be a good idea to give it to these guys?? I mean, you look at what they had to offer and they were disjointed from the start. It was run worse than any fly-by-night pyramid scheme out there.

GB: Funny enough, they were still better than you in terms of getting the team. In fact, I don't think you made an effort of it all-- right??

JB: Of course not, the Davidson's weren't on my radar. But, you look at the demographic and it's almost like this Phoenix mess. What happens if you own this team, too?? Why not just contract the teams and you'll get down to 28 teams, seven per division, then we bring back divisional playoffs-- as was always intended.

GB: That's just silly, I put a stop to that because it's unnatural. Fact of the matter is that these two teams can be profitable if I can find the right ownership. At least Koules put something out there and tried, but went a bit over the top and really didn't have a grasp about how a team should be run. Hell, you could have run that team better.

JB: Well, why not throw myself in the mix for this one?? This is something where I could just take a bad product, do some slight improvements, still not have the fans come out because it's a bit too hot.....then we move to my backyard and I can wake up to the practice everyday. We all win because not only do I get a team into Canada, but you'll get a stable franchise once all is said and done, as well as one less headache in the mix.

GB: If you're going to make improvements, why not build a fan-base there and try to convince these people that this is their team?? You can grow the brand of the team by that.

JB: Yes, because they really capitalized off the Stanley Cup and the "Seen Stamkos" campaign. Hell, the even brought back Barry Melrose to see if that'd garner some attention-- and it really didn't. Every gimmick didn't work as many would have thought and it's time for a change. You look at the other Florida team-- they're having issues as well, so why would it work for one team and not the other?? Sure, an interstate separates them, but at the same time-- it's virtually the same market demographic and it's probably not going to work in either.

GB: Guh, I don't need to think about Miami right now unless we're going on vacation. But, they're a former Cup winner and do have a loyal fanbase-- it's not like they haven't succeeded on some gimmicks-- remember when they had the big crowds at the Thunderdome??

JB: Don't even get me started on that-- here's a team who has had issue with ownership from day one with Phil Esposito's group. It's a mismanaged group and probably won't get the correct owner for the gig and the publicity they need to thrive in a place like Tampa Bay. Tampa as a whole is really apathetic to sports-- look at when the Buccaneers won the Lombardi Trophy; hardly anyone came out!! They also didn't come out for the Rays when they went to the World Series!! What does that tell you about a city when they won't come out for their championship teams. I think the only reason they came out for the Stanley Cup is because of the cold conditions in the rink, mostly due to Tampa being too hot to be a real city.

GB: I'll give you the point about mismanaged ownership and what-not, but they did come out and that's really what matters in the end for me. As long as people are coming out, they should be able to sustain something of a fan-base to keep the team going on and be loyal enough to fight your attempts to move this team to Chateau Balsillie.

JB: Fine, we'll just have to agree to disagree. (looks at watch) Holy, we're late for dinner reservations. If we don't get there in time, we'll be limited to the salad and breaksticks we get with the meal. Grab my coat, I need to get my wallet.

GB: (gets up, walks to closest) You'll be needing that wallet plus a couple more in order to convince me that you're going to be a contender for this team. (opens closet)

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (throws coats at Gary) T-BOMBED!!!

GB: OH SWEET LORD!! (falls backwards)

JB: (walking to Gary on the ground) These running gags are fantastic, aren't they??

"Bett and Bals": French Quarters

I've been pondering what to do next with B&B and thankfully-- news of a Quebec City meeting has come out, as has rumors of the NHL wanting to move Atlanta to QC in the next five years, even if it is a Tweet from a random person. Now, I been pondering what is going to happen if I had $20 million....
(We start out with Balsillie pacing in front of the couch, peeking at the TV waiting for Bettman to come back from wherever he went. Bettman has been gone for a week, never telling Balsillie where he was headed.)

Jim Balsillie: I hope Gary gets back soon. Man, do I have some questions for him.

Gary Bettman: (On phone) Merci, merci, ciao. (Hangs up) Oh, Jim....ummm....hi.

JB: Don't "hi" me, you're killing me here. I've got tons of questions and you bolt on me without telling me what's going on. You don't think I'm not onto you, you don't want me to have this do you??

GB: Look, Jim-- it's just business. But, I think you can ask and I'll be open with you.

JB: Fine-- where's the bottle opener??

GB: What?? Nothing about Quebec City?? Nothing about expansion or relocation??

JB: No, why the hell would I want to to know about that. I'm drinking tap water like a dog because I can't find the bottle opener for the liquor.

GB: I think most are twist offs....but I've been in Quebec City for the week talking to them about getting a team out there.

JB: HAHAHA-- that's a riot. Why would play a cruel trick on them like that?? I mean, honestly Gar; that's just mean. Everyone knows that I'm going to be the next guy to get something in Canada.

GB: Yeah....about that....

JB: You're serious?? What did those Frenchies do to you mind, Gary?? They had a team in Quebec City and you allowed them to move out of there. I mean, you look at Atlanta and they get a team back and looks like they'll be mind soon enough.

GB: Well, that's just it.....

JB: THEY'RE GOING TO BE MOVING TO QUEBEC??? SACRE BLEU!!!

GB: Funny, but there's rumors about them move up there if they can't get their asses in gear. But Quebec just failed due to the economy; because they had great fan support before they moved out. They just couldn't deal with a team due to money. If they want to get the Winter Olympics up there like has been rumored, they're getting a new arena in place, which could put them over the edge.

JB: Gary, Gary, Gary-- at what point do you think that this will all go down the crapper for them?? Do you think the economy will last for them up there and think they'll be viable?? They don't even speak English up there, what kind of chance do they have with all the Anglo folks we have around??

GB: You do know a lot of players speak French, right??

JB: Who, the real Frenchy Cristobal Huet-- he doesn't count-- he's from there.

GB: No, you moron-- there's plenty of French Canadians from Quebec who are playing in the NHL and can speak French. I mean, Montreal is a hub for French speakers who are a demanding market. I'm sure with you going to school in Canada-- you had French classes as well; it's a bi-lingual country, Jim.

JB: Whatever, Gary-- the only French I know is what I drop on game telecast. Fact of the matter is that they aren't going to be getting the government support if they start to fail-- which was shown back when they first had this issue. I don't think it's going to be a solid idea to give it to a troublesome place like that, which so much more political going on that meets the eyes. And so what if they have an arena being made-- look at Kansas City-- that things just sitting there looking like a giant disco ball with no one taking up residence.

GB: Kansas City is a great choice, but they aren't showing the interest like Quebec City. Plus, you get your seventh team like you marched for, right??

JB: But it's not MY team, Gary-- it's someone elses. And I mean, come on-- Quebec?? No one outside of Quebec cares about them or thinks of them as Canadian-- remember those separation votes??

GB: Politics, smolitics. They're putting out the money, they have an untapped market of QMJHL fans who have enjoyed the NHL in the past, and it's Canada. Mo' money, mo' money, mo' money!!

JB: That's the last time I buy you any early 90s sketch-comedy DVD sets. Look, just take your coat off and stay awhile-- we have more pressing issues; bottle opener.

GB: I told you, they're twist-off. (Opens up closet)

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Jumps out) T-BOMBED!!!!!!

GB: AHH!!! (Passes out)

JB: God, I love that-- thanks RTB.

RTB: T-BOMBS AWAY!!!!!

"Bett and Bals": Relief From The Heat??

This gimmick will never end, even with all these people coming out of the woodworks. Hit the "Bett and Bals" tag at the end to see the other episodes of this gimmick. You may laugh, you may learn something, but you'll definitely read it. That much I know.

(Scene: Gary Bettman is sitting at the kitchen table, looking through papers while on the phone. Bettman searches to find something that could get him rid of this team.)
Gary Bettman: So, we have this team-- they are going to be fantastic. There's a lot of young players ready to go, there's an untapped market out there, and if you want me to be honest-- I think I can get you a steal of a deal.

Anonymous Caller: I see Mr. Bettman, but can I trade them??

GB: Players?? Sure, you'll own the team-- you can do what you want, so long as you keep them in Phoenix.

AC: I mean, trade you some BlackBerries for the Coyotes??

GB: BALSILLIE!!!!

(Jim Balsillie peeks his head around the corner with a smirk and walks to sit down near Bettman)
Jim Balsillie: I almost was going to lead you on a little more, but I think I'll let you off the hook this time. Yet, I was going to see what I could do and maybe get you drunk to get you off your rocker to get this team.

GB: Keep trying, but I'm waiting for this phone call about another investor.

JB: You're kidding me right?? Is it those Saskatoon guys again, because it didn't work with the Expos when they were moving between Montreal and Puerto Rico, but ending up in DC-- how will this all work out??

GB: No, look-- according to the Globe and Mail there's a guy who wanted to buy the Canadiens at the start of the decade and then again just recently that wants to buy the Coyotes. He's got a lot of local investors and actually wants to keep the team here in Phoenix. Then we can finally get rid of this condo and not have to worry about dealing with each other until Atlanta or Miami gets in trouble.

JB: He goes from trying to buy the greatest team in the history of the NHL to a footnote in the Sunbelt expansion project?? I don't know if this guy's mentally apt to take control of a team, to be honest. How is he really any different from me??

GB: For one, he's not trying to move the team to Montreal and already selling tickets. Second, he's got local interests and wants to keep the team there. Third, this could work out. I mean-- the local investors thing worked out in Edmonton and Atlanta. Why do you think that it wouldn't work out in Phoenix??

JB: Too easy.

GB: Then explain it to me Mr. Smartypants.

JB: Real grown up. Anyway, the Edmonton situation turned into a disaster at the end before they finally sold it to Daryl Katz-- and even then, they had to be pressured into doing it because they wanted to seemingly drag the team down with 124 different investors having a say in it. Plus, with a name like Camelback Hockey, they may be able to survive the drought of income because they are stacked up, but it seems destined for failure.

GB: The fact of the matter is this could be the only reasonable bite we've had. I don't know what's going on with the heat for this team-- but if we can move this soon enough, god knows we may have to sell this team to you in order to get our investment back.

JB: I like where this is headed....may have to talk to this guy and get on this investor train...

GB: Like we'd allow you to do that. Truth of the matter is we need to unload this team sooner rather than later so it doesn't affect the other teams with us owning it. Plus, the team can grow in a bigger role with an independant guy at the helm. Even with all those hands in the pot-- our hands would be out of there.

JB: Yeah, because we wouldn't be at the exact same issue in a few years with all those people in shambles. Look, honestly-- even if it's not me-- you have to give this team a situation where it has the viability to survive. If these guys just want the team for the hell of it-- then eff 'em. Yet, if they actually have radical changes to make this team profitable, then it's worth the shot. I don't think they really get the ideal of making this radical change and want it for a write-off or just to say they own a team. This guy had a hand to try and buy the Habs and yet, nothing came from it. That could tell you something about his leadership or organization towards things.

GB: Even so....I wouldn't have to really deal with it for a time, therefore, he's a great suitor. Take the burden off the league's hands and put it to someone else. Maybe they could make it work, maybe they won't-- it won't be a problem until it's a problem again. Out of sight out of mind to be honest.

JB: Just give the team to me-- we'll move it to Canada, you can come visit, I'll replace your iPhone with my new BlackBerry-- we'll get a place in Kitchener-Waterloo; I think it's gonna be an ideal situation for you and me both. We do well together.

GB: Look at this mess-- think I'm living with you again....too much money laying around. I know it's a desert, but you don't have to make it rain in the living room.

(Phone rings)

GB: This could be the guy, hold on. Hello, Gary Bettman, NHL Commissioner.

Judge Redfield T. Baum: T-BOMBED!!!!!!!

GB: GAH!! MY EAR!!!

JB: Best. Gag. Ever.

GB: WHAT?!?

"Bett and Bals": Delusion of Grandeur

For those of you who don't know about "Bett and Bals", make sure you read the premise. This is all in good fun and usually used for filler, but hey-- it is what it is, right?? I'm not getting paid for this.....though, if I were....

In any case, the first installment of "B&B" has to do with the recent news out about the NHL, who now owns the Phoenix Coyotes, and the City of Glendale trying to reach a lease agreement on the crazy 30 year lease going on.

(Setting: Phoenix condo, overlooking the desert. The living room of Gary Bettman and Jim Balsillie is were we're at, with Gary on the phone trying to work something out.)

Gary Bettman: Now listen, listen-- I'm thinking about we end this year, then go on a week-to-week to basis from this point on. Okay, maybe week-to-week is a little much, sure-- but think of the demand of tickets if they don't know whether or not the team is staying or not. What do you mean "What about the arena employees??" Isn't the arena the Jobing.com Arena?? There ya go, just surf there and they're halfway to a new job. Hello?? Hello??

Jim Balsillie: HAHA-- oh Gary, you'll be the death of me.

GB: How much did you hear??

JB: Enough to know that you're never going to sway the city like that. I mean, let's be honest-- as much as you say you want someone in the position to keep the team in Phoenix, odds are they won't be able to make headway with the city in order to get rid of that ridiculous lease they have lined up.

GB: Look, we both know that the era of hockey in Phoenix in the NHL is coming to a head if we can't get something going. The team is winning and has a great array of talent and aside from the die-hards, no one is showing up unless it's a big name team they've seen on ESPN before.

JB: By the way, how's that DirecTV thing coming??

GB: SILENCE!! Listen, once we find a sucker to take this team off our hands, we'll be fine. Even if I have to give it to that place that wanted to play some games in Toon-Town. I don't get it, Phoenix had the Coyotes and Roadrunners playing hockey at the same time and it's not called Toon-Town yet?? How the hell does that happen??

JB: What's the deal with the marketing?? Wasn't this area supposed to be all in support of this?? I had my fair share of people bashing me for my tactics. This is like the third time it's happened.

GB: They caused an outlash because you're a douche. The fact of the matter is that I already have the die-hards' money. I need to get something going. Something needs to click. We've done the cheap tickets gimmick, we've done reduced sales, NOTHING!! It's like this climate can't deal with the idea of hockey.

JB: Shocking. It's not like the sunbelt gimmick you tried to pull is a complete failure-- just look at the ownerships in the other places like Miami, Tampa, Atlanta....they're thriving in your experiment in all of this. It's not like they have ownership issues or attendance issues or anything like that.

GB: But....but Tampa won a Cup. They had a guy who did the "SAW" movies and "Two and a Half Men," how could it go wrong?? The Thrashers have nine guys owning the team.

JB: Nine guys??

GB: Nine guys. And Miami....well, who knows when David Caruso will pop-up and remove his glasses. If we have a "Guaranteed David Caruso Night" for a Panthers game-- oh boy will we have a hot bank for that market. If we can do that 41 games a year-- mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.

JB: Great "In Living Color" reference, grandpa. Here's the issue with all of this, I'm looking at those four markets on my new BlackBerry Bold...

GB: Stop with the plugs....

JB:....and those markets are (scroll, scroll, scroll) 25th (Tampa), 26th (Florida), 28th (Atlanta), and 30th (Phoenix) in attendance figures. And it's not like there's not talent-- the ownerships don't know how to market a team in an area like that. They try once and when it doesn't happen for them, they don't try a different avenue. They think it's a one-shot deal and then flounder, wondering why it didn't work. You have to try different things, pick and choose....like your BlackBerry choices.

GB: Oof....but how do you do that?? I mean, even with new owners-- who's to say it'll chance. Hell, we're not doing anything to make them more manageable. The insane part is the people who think movements will do anything. Let's be honest here, odds are this team won't be here in five years unless something miraculous happens. This team is Kansas City bound, hell....maybe we could give this ship to you.

JB: Really??

GB: No, but you got your hopes up didn't you??

(Knock on the door)

GB: It's unlocked, we're trusting like that.

(Door opens to the upstairs neighbor)

Judge Redfield T. Baum: T-BOMBED!!!!!

(Door closes and footsteps run up the stairs)

GB: God, I hate when he does that.

JB: Are you kidding me, that's fantastic. It's the newest hook out there.

GB: Always have to be difficult don't you??

JB: What would this horrific sitcom be without it??

(End Scene)

Putting the Jackets On To Leave??

Interesting story coming out of the Columbus Dispatch, where a story is saying that if a new financial model cannot be found to help out the Blue Jackets, there's a distinct possibility that they could leave Columbus. According to this report, the current ownership and the City Chamber is looking to find a model that will help the Jackets' with the $5M in rent they pay a year, as well as the $4M a year they lose in operational costs. The ownership apparently wants to have this settled, or at lease something done by the end of the calendar year.

I could be wrong, but this is the first time the Blue Jackets' name have come up in terms of moving from their area. The area they are in is a very snazzy one, with a lot of establishments nearby. The arena itself is beautiful, as is the practice facility next store; but in these tough times, no one seems to be immune to having to deal with financial hardships of that sort. Though, you have to wonder, considering the city voted not to give public money to building the arena, if they'll do anything of sort to really help out the team and keep them in the city for the long-term. Although, now that the arena is making money with concerts and stuff of that ilk; so who knows.

To an extent, I almost look at the Blue Jackets as the Atlanta Thrashers of the North; a team that has the talent to be great, but can never get to that next plateau due to not having depth in their system. Now, another comparison is going to be whether or not the team will be in the same city in the next five to ten years from now.

Granted, there's a lot of economic issues and numbers being thrown around and I'm sure that there's much smarter people within the area who could tell you more and tell you if it's just propaganda to get more money out of the city; but it's now out there from the doing of the city and not just rumors and guessing.

Yet, even with this out there now-- could this spell the return of everyone's buddy Jim Balsillie in terms of trying to buy the franchise and creating a hoopla around it again. Of course, the NHL is kind of pre-occupied with the Coyotes and all, so who knows how they will address this. The question is whether or not if this whole thing goes down, if the NHL will seek someone to keep the team in Columbus, even if a system in Columbus won't work. How much will the NHL push to keep a team in a city when the city even says they won't help out on?? The different issue with Phoenix is that the City of Glendale is actually trying to help keep the team in the area, which is probably why the NHL is pushing so hard to pull out all the stops to keep the Coyotes in the area.

While this is still developing, we can only wonder what kinds of twist and turns this whole saga will take now. If the NHL didn't have enough headaches with other kinds of speculations with other teams, now they have to deal with this. While Columbus has the ability to be a big time team, the attendance continues not to be there; which doesn't help the cause for the future. The Jackets are regularly at the bottom third of the league for attendance, hovering around 85% capacity for their troubles. It's a wonder if something can't be reached in terms of relief, whether that number will increase in support or decrease in depression. Only time will tell.

Entry Draft Site Fight

As I mentioned on last night's FOHS, the NHL Media site showed that the NHL has yet to pick the site of the 2010 NHL Entry Draft, which is a hinderance to the media people and some fans who want to plan their summer vacations in tune with the Entry Draft, since it really is a big event for fans to congress.

Of course, the delay could be due to the whole Phoenix fiasco and since they don't know where the team will be from week-to-week, you can't really make the commitment to having something there in June. There's been other rumors abound with the location such as Chicago, Minnesota, Anaheim, and Philadelphia. Yet, while they are places many would like to go to-- I'd want to throw out my idea for places for the NHL Draft for 2010 or future years.

1. Las Vegas, Nevada: While it's a hackney concept, Vegas makes sense in this instance. This is due to the Awards show being held there (date TBA, of course) and it'll cut down on the trips that are needed to be made from Vegas to one of these out places that are not Vegas. Granted, the Draft should be right after the Awards or else you'll have plenty of players, GMs, and executives losing their salaries and cap space on the craps table.

2. The NHL Store, New York: What a better way to mix commerce and new ideals than to hold it in the NHL's own store and introduce the kids to a big swarm of people in the media capital of the USA. Plus, in addition to that-- you bring about a new concept to the player, where as they are picked by their team; they go on a shopping spree with their family to get the merchandise of their new team. Fantastic idea, if I say so myself.

3. Kansas City, Missouri: They have a big, beautiful arena that's probably not going to have anything else there in June, and it'll expose fans from other places to the allure of the Kansas City. Some people may not think it's a hockeytown, but when the Draft comes around, it'll show people why there is such a buzz when it comes to relocating a franchise there over a Canadian city.

4. Jim Balsillie's Backyard: We mentioned this on FOHS, where Jim Balsillie has enough cash to hold this big NHL event in his literal backyard, because god knows his compound is probably big enough to hold 20,000 people, including prospects and their family. And be honest, your Blackberry reception is probably the best it'll ever be in your life time.

5. Washington, DC: If nothing else-- I'd like to go back home and use a vacation week to make a big deal out of this.

While this is all just me, something has to be done in order for people to get their flight information, hotel information, and bar-crawl maps set-up-- we need to know where to be in order to get all prepared for it. Since it's a big deal with people coming from all over North America (and some cases Europe), needing to know this information is vital, especially with putting in for days off....and then making up excuses for why you're just trashed come that Monday.

Regardless of what's going to happen with this, god knows that the FOHS crew will have a story. Whether it be random, psycho hotels or telling someone to play in traffic or making reservations 12 hours before arriving to the location or even blacking out on the shore of the Ottawa River-- there's always a story to tell.....even if we have to piece it together.

"Bett and Bals" The Premise

It's been a crazy day, with Mats Sundin retiring (for now) and all, but for the most part, the day was stolen by Judge Redfield T. Baum's ruling that BOTH Jim Balsillie's and the NHL's bid for the Phoenix Coyotes have been rejected. Balsillie's rejected due to the Board of Governors not approving him to buy the team and the NHL's being rejected because it was too low.

However, I would have to say that the best and most amusing result would have been if RTB were to ACCEPT BOTH bids and have Balsillie and Bettman co-exist in a sitcom like fashion. Now, how it would work is that both men would have to live in a condo in Glendale and deal with day-to-day operations of the Coyotes. Of course, this creates bedlum between the two, as they have a strong dislike for one another. Yet, to keep the peace, RTB moves to the condo upstairs thanks to a supreme court order saying he is responsible for making this partnership work since he made this wacky decision. So, you have the two millionaire owners bickering on what to do and the upstairs judge trying to keep the whole thing civil and not get them all thrown out of the condos.

I'm already sold, how about you??

But who's to play each character?? That's simple:


Darren Pang on stilts as Jim Balsillie

It makes sense. They both kind of look alike, they are both very talkative people, they are both hockey nuts. Of course, the stilts get a credit because they are what's carrying Pang and the premise for this whole thing. Granted, it'll look awkward to start off with, but he'll grow into the stilts, I promise.


Count Count as Gary Bettman

This just writes itself. I mean, they look a like, they like counting-- whether it's for the betterment for the children or if it's just the money rolling in from revenue. They are short, balding, and puppets to someone more powerful.


Dana Carvey as John McLaughlin as Judge Redfield T. Baum

When I look at composites of RTB, he seems to me like Dana Carvey in his old skits as John McLaughlin of the "McLaughlin Group", which is a political show. Of course, both are moderators of their forum, both authoritative, and both sick of all in front of them. Fantastic.

Of course, there will be pop-ins from Jerry Moyes, Jerry Reinsdorf, and the Tampa bunch of Oren Koules and Len Barrie. It has the makings of the most fantastic sitcom pertaining to hockey since "The Tournament."

Stay Tuned

EDIT: The Canadian from Canadian vs. the Yanks put some PERFECT ideas for the guest stars in all of this. Just check the comments for her take on it.

EDIT AGAIN: Also, have to give a call to Aaron from Bird Watchers Anonymous for the idea of RTB living above Bett and Bals

Reinsdorf Done, Bettman Bids, Balsillie Threatens-- We All Win

We've had time to digest the whole ordeal that happened with the latest twist in the Phoenix Coyotes' saga, let's look at this bit by little bit.

First, Jerry Reinsdorf pulling his bid for the 'Yotes. You almost got the thought that he wasn't too keen on it in the first place, but he put his name there to be the guy for the NHL. However, on his way out-- Reinsdorf's "people" basically doing what the NHL has been doing and bashing Jim Balsillie for organizing a "publicity effort designed to provide negative and misleading information to interested parties." As well, the Reinsdorf group bashed Jerry Moyes for being an "unwilling seller." For the Moyes' issue, that's kind of true; as Moyes wants his money back that he dumped into this team and Balsillie's bid gives Moyes that money, whereas Reinsdorf bid wouldn't do that at all. In any case, it didn't seem like Reinsdorf was all into this bid at all and the NHL threw his name out there to be the "Great and powerful Oz" while they ran the show behind the curtain. However, when push came to shove, Reinsdorf wasn't able to belly-up to the Coyotes' table and get his piece.

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Next, the NHL pulls the curtain back and puts in their own bid in order to make the Phoenix Coyotes into the Montreal Expos. That puts the bidders at the NHL, Jim Balsillie, and at the last minute-- Ice Edge Holdings-- for the Phoenix Coyotes. A team that no one seems to want. The NHL bidding is just showing how much they want to save face in this ordeal. Their biggest name bidder is gone, they are going against their archnemesis, and the other bidder wants to have games in Canada-- both regular season and some playoffs. If I'm the NHL, I cut ties and let Jim Balsillie do what he wants with this team because it's going to do no good at all fighting a fight they have a slim chance of winning.

Sure, they could win in terms of getting the team-- but they risk losing money that revenue brings in to run the fleeting franchise, they also lose face in the sports echelon for having to put their own bid in a team no one wanted to stay in that market. Most importantly, they risk losing a team as a whole-- not just from the US to Canada, but going from 30 to 29, which I don't think anyone wants because it puts players out of jobs-- though the owners wouldn't lose as much money in revenue sharing in that. In any case, if that were to happen when the NHL owned it, they would look really bad, especially in the public relations lexicon over sports leagues.

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Finally-- Jim Balsillie speaking, saying that he's giving the process until September 14th to get a deal done or he's out of the running. This is four days after the auction is to take place and one day before the Coyotes first pre-season game. Balsillie wants to deal to be done and to move the team immediate or else he's gone and will lay low until the next troubled team pops up.

Now, I like Jim Balsillie, I think that he's a good owner for the NHL and would shake things up and get interest in the game, much like Mark Cuban in the NBA-- but to Jim Balsillie: SHUT UP!! Don't say anything, don't as much think of putting out a press release or comment until all is said and done. You can do nothing but hurt your cause by pulling this gimmick. It didn't help you back in July, it won't help you now. Especially when you looked like it was a slam dunk, you have to talk. Talking now would only hurt your case and make you look like the bad guy and semi-insane. Stay quiet, let the process happen, and you'll come out looking fine. The less you say, the better you look. Let the NHL attack and attack and attack, because they'll look like the petty ones and Judge RTB (Redfield T. Baum) will not buy what they are selling.

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So that's what's up. We're no better off now than we were yesterday and just as confused. In the end, with the NHL and Balsillie bitching, Ice Edge Holding could be the winner in all of this, which could be the best of both world and maybe the lesser of three evils and not as many appeals when this is overwith. We can only hope this is over soon, but we're only just beginning, I'm sure.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Phoenix Expos

The bids for the Phoenix Coyotes are coming in slowly but surely, despite the July 24th cut-off date. Of course, we have the Jerry Reinsdorf bid for $148M, which would keep the Coyotes in Phoenix. There's a new bidder of Ice Edge Holdings for about $150M, which we'll delve into deeper in a little bit. And, of course, Jim Balsillie is out there just waiting for something to happen with his $212M bid. If we're doing an auction, guess who wins?? Anyway....did you know the Coyotes lost $60M last season alone and people still want this team?? What kind of secret do they have in order to get this much interest??

That last question will be something to be seen, but let's focus on Ice Edge Holdings and their bid. The Great Greg Wyshynski has the break down of it all, including the San Antonio Rampage moving to Thunder Bay.

However, the one interesting point is the IEH trying to get some games for the Coyotes in Saskatoon's Credit Union Centre during the regular season and maybe some playoffs games. The capacity of the CUC is 11,300; which is what the Jobing.com Arena capacity should be. But what sense does this make?? Why are you going to move the team for five games to a place as out of the way as Saskatoon, in relation to Phoenix, I mean. May as well have them in Halifax or Charlottetown, PEI for pete's sake.

This is my thing though, why is the NHL pulling the same gimmick the MLB did with the Montreal Expos for the Coyotes?? Why are they going to allow something like this to go down and just give a little tease to the Canadian fans only to take it away?? Another big question is what is IEH's grand scale projection??

Let's be honest, this could be a ploy for the ownership brain trust to go to the NHL and say, "Hey, we actually made a profit in the five games in Canada, but lost $xxM playing 37 in Phoenix-- we want to move to (Canadian city here) because it's better for the health of the team and league." And if this is the case, why are we giving the team and fans the run-around like this?? It's hard to have a true home-ice advantage if you're going back and forth. Plus, if you go to a smaller barn and have a ravenous crowd on top of you, then switch back to a big cathedral-esque place with no one in it-- how much of a morale dump is that for the players??

Obviously, we'll have to wait and see what happens and what's going to come from it all, but in my eyes, it's not time to toy around with this team. If you're going to move the team, move the effing team. Let's not string along the fans in Phoenix or the fans in whatever Canadian city they may end up. It's a bad situation on all fronts if you do and it could make the distrust between fans, league, and ownership that much more wider.