(Gary Bettman sits on the couch as the Jim Balsillie comes in from the kitchen)
Gary Bettman: I mean, look-- they got these new all-meat wings with 18 flavors.
Jim Balsillie: Aren't all wing meat?? And who needs that much flavor??
GB: The point is this, they won't make any bones about their wings or their possible bid.
JB: That's a terrible pun, but they really haven't made a bid. Treliving is a guy who was put on the spot by a guy who turned VJ to intellectual CBC host. Honestly, how can you trust a guy saying something on a late-night, public broadcasting show that own a company that has a city that's never once been connected to pizza.
GB: But it's hope, Jim-boy. We haven't has much of that since the last guy ditched us for St. Louis....to which he couldn't follow through on that either.
JB: I mean clam chowder, sure-- but pizza?? They had a Boston cheesesteak at one point, that totally doesn't make sense.
GB: Even if it's from a guy who may or may not be serious because his kid's job is involved-- it's something we haven't had public for a while. Granted, we could have some nepotism going on-- but that worked out in Colorado, right??
JB: Hell, I could even see if lobster or seafood in general; but pizza??
GB: FOCUS, 'Sillie. We have a chance to turn this thing around. They've got two franchises down there already, we've got a Canadian tie-in without actually moving the team to Canada and have me looking miserable as I hand over the keys.
JB: While that may be, who's to say that they can come up with all these gimmicks to keep generating money to keep the team in town?? If you relocate the team, you cut ties to the anchor that has drained the city of money and screws over that whole revenue sharing thing you have in place for some teams. Heck, the other team in town is thinking of suing the city-- it's a mess and do you really want to clean it up??
GB: If I sell the team in time and hurry up the transition, it's not my problem anymore. Let the crazy pizza guy do it for himself. Maybe have 17 stores around the arena or something, I don't know. I'd rather not move this team, but if I can't get my money one way or another-- we've got to ship them somewhere.
JB: Yet, this has been a five-year plan in to almost a decade. Or at least it feels that way. It's past the point of mockery, it's past the point of hilarity, it's to the point of sadness and wanting it to end-- like SNL at times.
GB: They got Russ Tyler on there now-- he's good.
JB: Fair enough. The crazy part of this is it seems you're trying to make a point and it's not working. Atlanta moved like a thief in the night and still the Coyotes are just there waiting for something. Do you think people care anymore?? Everyone just wants this to be done because we're tired of this, it's run its course and now-- time to crap or get off the pot.
(Bettman's computer goes off, "You've Got Mail")
JB: (Looking confused) Who uses AOL anymore??
GB: Shut it-- see, this person loves the Coyotes and enjoys the efforts. Huh, there's even an attachment....
Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Through the computer) T-BOMB!!!!!!!!
GB: GAH POP-UPS!!!! (Falls over off the couch)
JB: And there you have it.....we still find a way.
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