Tuesday, July 27, 2010

"Bett and Bals": Living on the Ice Edge

Just when you though the story out of the Glendale, Arizona was going to resolved with Ice Edge Holdings being the knight in shining armor for the Coyotes....this happens. That's right, according to the Arizona Republic, the deal between the Coyotes and Ice Edge could be in trouble. The issue comes with the point that IEH has not submitted the required paperwork, five weeks past the first deadline and rapidly approaching the August 6th deadline for dealing with the arena leasing issues. Despite the claims, both IEH and the NHL say that the deal is going along just fine. Hmmm....even so, what better way to add to the gimmick of the Bett and Bals than with this.

Gary Bettman is in this scene pacing through the room, frantically trying to get some answers on the phone, while Jim Balsillie is chilling on the couch with the remote.

Gary Bettman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE OUT OF MONEY?!? Well, get them to get some more. What do you mean it's not that easy?? Legalities, what does that mean?? Look, I don't care how they do it-- I want this problem to go away and I don't care how they do it. (hangs up phone)

Jim Balsillie: Problems again with the Coyotes, Gary??

GB: What?? No, not at all. I was just on the phone with Bill Daly and trying to get him to recharge his Dave & Buster's game card. The Coyotes are just fine, thanks.

JB: That's not what this paper says-- it says that they passed the deadline in the Glendale exclusivity race and could be running out of cash.

GB: First off, who buys a paper anymore; especially you Blackberry boy?? Second, that can't be the case. We had them all ready to go, all ready to buy the team, the arena-- the city, I think was in that deal, too. What did they do with all that money-- party too hard?? This can't be.

JB: You know, had you let this go through last year and let the team be sold to me, we wouldn't be in this mess. You know that this will interfere with the whole Kovalchuk issue, which should be your crowning achievement this season; actually standing up for yourself. Now, they're screwing the pooch.

GB: No, no, no, no-- they're still good, just a little hiccup. You see, they have to be the best-- we told Jerry Reinsdorf he wasn't needed as a name anymore and he could go enjoy the White Sox. No way we can get him back with the Sox in the AL Central race now. This mess can't happen-- we had the Coyotes Summer last year, it was the Kovalf*ck summer this year-- we mapped it all out.

JB: Look, this could be an oversight-- maybe they overdrew just a bit and couldn't come up with some handling fees. Oh, wait-- they've had months to get their stuff in order. What is it with finding the right partner with this Gary. But, it could be a blessing in disguise; if you didn't know about this-- then you could be in the same situation in a year or two.

GB: Sure, rub that in-- but that's the CBA summer in two years, sir; it's all planned out. Plus, who knows if what the City of Glendale is pumping out is true or not. They're a city who is definitely an antagonist in this process. They want the lease to their liking, the owners to their liking-- if we went extreme; it'd be the pen and paper to their liking, too. They'll do anything to keep their name out there and to keep their city out there for people to see who's really in control. It's a bitter pill to swallow.

JB: But you talk about teams signing long-term, outrageous deals with players; why not deal with the leasing that way?? Sure, it's not the same thing as trying to get away with cap fraud, but it would definitely prevent this sort of silliness in dealing with 30 year leases for already financially strapped teams. Plus, the city is way out in the sticks; how do they believe that this will help people show up.

GB: Well, if you build it they will come. And you know-- the owners and building know what they're doing. I mean, they had to get the lease for that long because of the other teams out there looking to use that building for stuff.

JB: Name two.

GB:.......that's not important right now. What is important is to calm this all over. This is still a good deal that will be going through. They'll find the money, even if they have to scrap through the sofa to get it. If not, my name isn't Casey McCall.

JB: That's not your name, that's the name of a fictional character from the TV show "Sports Night." The fact of the matter is that, sure, the city would have an arena but no tenant if I were to have bought them-- but it seems to be doing pretty well for Kansas City. They have a big, fancy arena-- but no one there to play, aside from the occasional concert or circus. And they aren't talking too much about a team.

GB: Right now they aren't, but just wait until they realize their not an island and have to change the name all around when they move there.

JB: Huh??

GB: What??

JB: Does that mean there's no light at the house??

GB: No matter, the point in all of his is that we'd be bizonkers if we though Ice Edge was going to run out of money. Sure, it's good to know now rather than actually finding out later, but we have all the faith they'll turn it around. They'll find a way to get the money, they'll come through with this alledged missing paper work that's not on file. It's just a chance for Glendale to get their name and the Coyotes name back in the fold and make things work out for their benefit and to put themselves over. The Ice Edge folks aren't the kind of guys who would lead us on to let us down-- they aren't Lou Lamoriello.

JB: Ouch-- big shot there. Speaking of which-- I looked into an arbitrator for you and he's going to come over soon. I think you'll like him because he'll definitely be on your side and not against you at all. (Doorbell rings) There he is right now.

GB: Wow, just when I think you're a guy who I may loathe, you do something redeem yourself. You're not as harsh as you look and I think that I'll talk to the Board about you. (Opens door)

Judge Redfield T. Baum: T-BOMBED!!!

GB: (falling backward) You sonuva....ahhhh

JB: And that's how you keep a running gag going, though we all saw it coming.

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