Bubble Hockey Reality

All puck-heads, arcade nerds, and barflys know the joys of the Super Chexx bubble hockey table and the fantasticness the game can bring, as well as the rivalries it creates amongst friends and foes alike. It's great times, for sure.

Yet, in the dog-days of summer, it goes me wondering if the bubble hockey players were real, which NHL player would they most represent in their game. I mean, you have to have drunkenly or stupidly thought about it at one point in time when you're hanging around the bubble with your buddies. Just yelling out random player names each time you score to mock out your own team or your buddy's team. I just confused you more, I'm sure-- but I hope to gather you back into this whole discussion by the end of it. Hopefully they'll all be positionally correct, but you'll have some that's a little out of place positionally, but personality wise (as much as you can be with inanimate objects) they should be dead on.

Right Wing: The right wing is a unique player. You see, the right wing is the player with the longest stick (wocka) out on the rink. For some reason, he was given the luxury of having the long stick so he could play keep-away in his own end from the defender and be one of the only players to really be able to go into the other zone and steal the puck away from the opposing team. For that, Martin St. Louis is the guy to represent the right winger. It's truthful too, because it's been chronicled for years that the small St. Louis uses an absurdly long twig and always has. Plus, St. Louis is a master at control with the puck and usually likes to dish from the corners, which more of the wingers in the game does.

Center: What an annoying punk-ass this guy is. Let's be honest, the center is the guy people hate playing against, but love to go-to on their side. If the center gets the puck alone, he's got the perfect shot because neither defensemen can get to him and he can just wait all-day and stall the hell out of the goalie, making you insane with anticipation for him to get it over with. That's where the mistake is made and the center just taps it in, making it look easy and making the opposition tear their hair out. Perfect Sean Avery or Tomas Holmstrom (though he's a left winger) type player. They'll just annoy the hell out of you, but they get results at the end of the day. Plus, if you can find a table that's very used, the center can get in there and use his stick to stop the goalie's movement.

Left Wing: I'd say that this guy is the precision guy. He has the ability to be a sneaky scorer and do it time and time again. He's got the average stick-length, unlike the right winger, and can get around to snap one from the hash marks and below at an angle the goalie can't cover up to. It reminds you of that of the Russian snipers like Alex Ovechkin or Ilya Kovalchuk who can score at will and score at angles no one thought they could score from. However, unlike the right winger who would have an awkward time passing the puck with the long stick, the left wing can stop midway down the boards and make a solid centering pass for the center like Slava Kozlov, Ray Whitney, or Daniel Sedin to make that play. Very versatile player.

Defense: Now, unlike the NHL where defensemen are stepping up like it's going out of style, the bubble style of hockey only allows the defense to go to the red line. This way, they have to be responsible in their own zone. That said, if you have a defenseman who likes to step-up, they can score wildly from the red line, which is really a motto I've lived by when playing. With that in mind, you can liken it to a sort of Zdeno Chara or Nicklas Lidstrom player who is great in his own zone and pitch-in offensively. For the more reserved type, they can be compared to that of Mike Mottau, Rob Scuderi, or Willie Mitchell, cutting off the centering pass and getting it out of the zone. Just hope they don't end up like Scott Hannan, Derian Hatcher, or Brendan Witt player who gets scored on at will and blown by like they were standing still.

Goalie: The style of goalie is not that of the Super Chexx game, as it was when it first debuted. Nowadays, the goalies are always out cutting down the angles, playing the puck, not being tethered to their net (though some of them should), so there's not many guys you can compare the goalies in the game to. Maybe someone like Evgeni Nabokov, who plays a bit more of a stand-up game and doesn't wander as much as some others could do. In the past, you could compare the goalie to Sean Burke or Kirk McLean style that stood there and absorbed pucks.

The Fans: The bubble hockey game was unique in terms of the fact that not only did you have the crowd around you from the people at the bar or your clique there to cheer you on, but you had a magical button in which you have a virtual crowd booing at will. That's right, the always fantastic "Boo Button" is one of the greatest things to come out of the bubble hockey game since the pop-up face-off. With the boos, it makes me think of the fans in specificially Montreal, Toronto, Philadelphia or New York to boo all over the player-- the opposing players, their own players, Santa-- anyone out there and that's what you do when you drink-- hit the boo button regardless.

So, that's what's up. The summer delirium continues, awaiting for hockey to begin, thinking about bubble hockey player personas.