Thursday, January 31, 2013

"Bett and Bals": But It's A Dry Deadline

The clock is ticking. Not just on the countdown of the new Blackberry 10, but the fact that Greg Jamison is waiting to the 11th hour in order to decide if he's going to deal with the lease agreements that the City of Glendale has set out or if he'll let it pass and hope it regroups. As it is, Gary Bettman is still rattled from the lockout and now has to put up with this. His court-ordered roommate Jim Balsillie is just mocking him without doing much of anything.

The scene is Jim Balsillie is sitting at the kitchen island, intently staring at Gary Bettman on the couch. Bettman looks around the couch to see what's behind him that Balsillie could be looking at, then starts to be come unnerved. 

Gary Bettman: What....what are you looking at??

(Jim still staring down Gary)

GB: You know you're making me feel unsettled.

(Jim starts nodding his head slightly)

GB: Fine, I'll.....I'll just turn over here....

(Jim clears his throat, still focused on Gary)


Jim Ballsillie (removes earbuds): What's that??


JB: Oh, that?? I'm over that.

GB:....wait, what?? Over it??

JB: Yeah, the Blackberry 10 is coming out and people are ready to take over the next floundering team. Phoenix is passée  my man; people have their sights set on Sunrise.

GB: But the Panthers aren't going anywhere....are they??

JB: That's neither here nor there-- but I like how my old company is doing something you haven't been able to do in the same time frame-- reinvent itself. Will they actually make an impact and will people actually come back to Blackberry?? Who's to say, but at least it's not the same old song and dance that the Coyotes have been giving us for years on end.

GB: How can it change though?? We've had this whole thing set up for months-- Greg Jamison said we'd get this whole thing done. He had investors, but they lived somewhere else and I didn't know them. That's trustworthy enough, right?? Is it wrong to believe him??

JB: Maybe this isn't your fault-- maybe this is the City of Glendale going a little too sports crazy for a team that may not want to be there. Let's get to the brass tacks and say that Glendale thinks it's better than it actually is. This isn't a place where you'll get a lot of people to go just for the sake of seeing the place-- it's a pass-through town otherwise and they're trying to grab onto anything they can to get an identity.

GB: How can we get out of it?? It's just insane how this city is holding everyone by the short-hairs. It's like that awful girlfriend who won't go away and just threatens everything in order to keep you there in a loveless relationship. And you die a little each time when you give them a chance....her friends don't like you, but you provide something, so they tolerate you. But you're dying're dying and losing every time you look at her....

JB: alright??

GB: First, it was Fehr and now it's the fear of actually having to do something again. But at least Quebec City is looking nice. They're building an arena already, even without a team-- and outside of the rainy Seattle climate, it provides a great backdrop. Winter Classics, a lot of French love, it's good times there.

JB: Remember a place called Kansas City?? Remember when they built an arena with no team at all?? I remember because that was a battle ground for me. If you want to do that whole expansion thing, you'd be better off in Quebec City and get more money; but what happens first-- the silliness of Glendale gets solved or a team in Quebec City?? Seattle is doing it right-- they're making sure they have a basketball team, something they actually want, before building up a new building.

GB: Right now, Kansas City could actually draw more and more than what we're doing in Glendale. At this point, I'm of the ideal that we can grease some palms and get out of this-- they have a new city council who probably doesn't want to take money from city services in order to keep a team that bilks money over and over. As much as I like the money of expansion and waiting until an arena is done-- I also like not having to deal with these people in Glendale.

JB: Is this the "hill you die on" like all the other CBA hills you've frolicked in?? Are you waiting for this team to just kill itself so you don't have to make a decision and get more hate mail?? Because as much as people would love contraction-- it's not something that's going to appear, it's got to be an executive order.

GB: Haters are going to hate-- so I couldn't get a damn about that. I'm just exhausted from getting a season done and now having to get a deal done because people can't get their money in order, AND I STILL GET THE BLAME?? It's a broken record and people are stupid because if I keep the team there, I'm screwing the league and if I don't move the team, I'm screwing the league.

JB: Can't win for losing, big guy. (Doorbell rings) Oh, that's my BB10 prototype-- you want to answer that.

GB: Oh, so this is where the T-Bomb happens?? You're going the predictable route??

JB: Just get it, stupid-- he's nowhere to be found.

GB: Okay (opens door) T-BOMB!!! BEAT YOU TO....oh...

Delivery Guy: AH!!! DON'T HIT ME AGAIN!!! (drops package)

JB: Good job, now I have go get it fixed. What is your problem, you think everyone is after you.

GB: Sorry, sorry....I'll go get it fixed.

JB: You better. (Gary picks up package and walks to the car) Wait for it. (Gary opens the car door and sits down) Almost there. (Gary puts key in the ignition, starts it up).

Judge Redfield T. Baum: (Jumps from the back seat) T-BOMB!!!!!

GB: GOOD SWEET LORD!!! (Hits the steering wheel with force, car horn goes off, airbag inflates)

JB: Long way for a tired sight-gag on a blog.

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